


in which george wickham meets a grisly end

by middlecyclone



Category: Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-28
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-06 19:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/middlecyclone/pseuds/middlecyclone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by a tumblr post I saw floating around: "Because we never got a definitive answer on this, I am forced to conclude that Darcy did, in fact, murder George Wickham. With Lydia."</p>
            </blockquote>





	in which george wickham meets a grisly end

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think anybody actually wanted this fic to exist, but now it does. Happy end of LBD. Possible triggers for graphic violence, major character death, general unpleasantness (sorry).

Darcy knocks on the door to the Bennet household, coming over for his fifth family dinner in five days. It flies open.

“Hi, Darceface,” Lydia says shortly, folding her arms over her chest. Darcy looks confused.

“Hello, Lydia,” he replies politely. “I’m here for dinner – ah, is Lizzie here?”

“I know why you’re here,” she says, “And I want to talk to you about something.”

“May I come in?” Darcy hedges.

Lydia stares him down. “My questions first,” she says, “I don’t want there to be any chance at all that this’ll end up on camera, and you know how Lizzie is.”

“Fair point,” Darcy admits, “What was it you wanted to know?”

“Did you ever find George?” she asks harshly, “Or did you just buy out the company without ever knowing his address?”

Darcy blinks, startled. “I – yes, actually, I did find him; I’d planned on coercing him into taking down the video, but then decided that purchasing Novelty Exposures would be more effective – “

“Whatever,” Lydia cuts him off, “I don’t want to hear your ridiculous logic. Give me the address.”

“…why?” Darcy asks nervously. “I know I have no right to interfere further in your life, but I think it’s probably safest for you if you avoid that man’s influence for as long as possible-“

“What,” Lydia snorts, “You think I want to go and plead to him to take me back? Um, no. I want to go and stab him in the face.”

Darcy stops, considers, and nods. “I’ll take you there tomorrow,” he says, “I’ve got some business to discuss with Wickham as well.”

Lydia rolls her eyes. “I didn’t mean figuratively,” she explains, “I literally have my mom’s butcher knife and I am going to go to Orange County and kill George Wickham with it. In the face.”

Darcy looks at her, considering, and then says, “In that case, would it be all right if Gigi were to accompany us as well?”

Lydia smiles, and Darcy privately thinks that it’s among the most terrifying things he has ever seen.  
“That’ll be perfect,” she tells him.

“Great,” he tells her, “I’ll pick you up at around 8:30. Bring the knife. And an alibi.”

 

“TAKE THAT,” Lydia shouts, and shoves the butcher knife into Wickham’s leg.

“Ow,” he says weakly, and then Gigi picks up the cement cinder block she brought with her and drops it on his face.

“That was really satisfying,” she chirps, and wipes her bloody hands off on her designer dress. Lydia giggles, and stabs Wickham again. He makes a tiny, almost imperceptible whining noise. Gigi kicks him in the ribs with the pointed toe of her expensive stilettos, and Lydia stomps on his hand, her cheap plastic flip-flops still managing to do some serious damage.

Darcy is standing a few feet away, looking a combination of terrified and homicidal.

“Are you two done?” he asks coldly.

Lydia tilts her head consideringly, kicks George in the crotch, and nods. “I’m done,” she says, “Gigi?”

Gigi leans over, spits on George’s face, and smiles. “Yep!”

“Perfect,” Darcy says, and shoots George in the head. He dies. Unpleasantly.

“So,” Lydia says, “Wanna go get coffee? I could do with a macchiato.”

Gigi nods. “Yeah, the new hazelnut ones are great, let’s go.”

“I’m buying,” Darcy says, putting his gun away, and Lydia rolls her eyes.

“No, you’re not,” she says, “You’re going to go hang out with my sister while I go on a date with yours.”

“It’s a date, then?” Gigi asks, smoothing down her hair.

“If that’s okay with you,” Lydia replies, and grins.

Ten minutes later, they make out in a Starbucks bathroom. Ten years later, they get married. Nobody ever finds George Wickham’s body.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] in which george wickham meets a grisly end](https://archiveofourown.org/works/752123) by [exmanhater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/exmanhater/pseuds/exmanhater)




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